I read this on another forum and it fair made me larf.

Fiona
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I love my human
Thus I perfume myself with
A long dead squirrel.

Today I have sniffed
Many dogbutts - I rejoice
By kissing your face.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.

I sound the alarm!
Mailman fiend - come to kill us!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbour's cat - come to kill us!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush.Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and then weep.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I
Have made a puddle.

I hate my choke-chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack

You can't deny it.
No one could ver love you
As much asI do.

Dig under fence - why?
Because its ther. Because its
There. Because its there.

I am your best friend.
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
feet and fart loudly.