Finn - Friend of Dogs. Nine Foster Greyhounds/ Lurchers
19** - 20 September 2005
Finn died tragically and suddenly on Tuesday afternnoon. He had lived with me for nearly 8 years. A poor wretched street cat with FIV, who was captured by my neigbour in Finnieston. He was a wee monster. It took 4 people at the vets to hold him down. Due to his FIV status he had little prospects so he came to live with me and take his chances with my black labrador Raisa and black and white lurcher type, Rosie. Like most of the 'last chance' animals who come to live with me he quickly relaxed and settled in. He adopted the dogs as his big sisters and loved to walk out with them in the evenings. he waited at the window for us coming in from our longer walks. He would greet each of the dogs in turn and then settle down knowing that all was well. Suprisingly he defied the vets prognosis about feral cats. He was always suspicious of new people and did not like me standing. But he developed into a very loving cat. He lay next to my head every night - like a protective angel. His health improved greatly when he had his teeth removed and flap of tissue in his throat removed. * years later he was still going strong.
It's so sad that his life was cut short when he was in his prime and so healthy!
Charles
My Last Picture of Finn - he loved to sun himself on the windowsill while watching me work on the computer
Charles, so very sorry to hear the sad news about Finn, take comfort in the fact that if it had not of been for you he would not of had all those wonderful years with you.
Charles, our deepest sympathy to you. it's not easy to lose a much-loved pet but you have the comfort of knowing you provided him with some happy years
Hi Charles, just to say we're all thinking about you, I never met Finn but felt that I kinda knew him after all the stories you told about him, he'll be sadly missed. He was also a VERY worthy GAL volunteer and I'll always be in the wee guys debt for all that cat testing he endured!..
I hope that you and the gang will be feeling better soon. Having just lost my special friend (see rip Charlie) I know just how you must all be feeling.
As the others keep telling me with time it gets a little easier to bear.
Many thanks to everyone for their kind words - they helped.
Finn's body is being cremated. When his ashes are returned I plan to scatter them, long with the ashes of my previous dogs Raisa and Rosie, on my mothers and grandfathers graves in a remote cemetery in Dumfriessshire.
It's one of those very old places where all the country folk have been buried for hundreds of years. It's a quiet spot with a copse of trees, a grassed access road that winds past a fast flowing burn. A quiet place with only the sound of sheep and cows over the cemetery wall and often a distant cry of a curlew.
Finn, Raisa and rosies ashes will be spread together. Fitting I thought - one in death as they were one in in life
THE CEMETERY SOUNDS LIKE A PEACEFUL SPOT AND VERY FITTING ,I AM SURE THERE IS A RAINBOW BRIDGE FOR CATS AND SURE THAT FINN WILL BE THERE so sorry Nora Cas and the gang
__________________
"YOU OWE IT TO YOUR DOG TO BE WORTHY OF IT,S DEVOTION".
So sorry to hear about Finn. He was a wee character I know you'll miss having around. But what you are about to do with this ashes is just perfect. We're thinking of you just now.
Finn came to stay at my 'last chance saloon' some eight years ago - a FIV infected guy (HIV similar - Scottish SPCA -means automatic pts) well hey hey got extra 8 yeaqrs my pLACE
It quite alright to have relapse every so often, it because of the caring person you are.
I never knew Finn, but what I can make out he was extra special.
Our animals are not just pets they are our family members and are very dear to us and its quite natural to feel like you do, and as you know it will become easier to deal with in time - just keep remembering all the great memories and there will be lots in 8 years and then you can smile with remembering.
One of my last pics of Finn - he loved to watch me workimg on my computer from window.
Some of you will know that he gave his life during the afternoon of 20 September 05 in the service of GAL.
He had been involved in cat checks to over 10 hounds - most moved on to new homes as a result.
Major Blunder by Me 20 SeptAll down to me. I failed to ensure that my security / safety lock on my security gate system was in place at lunch time.
As a result there was a security breach - Finn was caught out - a fraction of a second from safety - and as a result he gave up his life in the mouth of one of my hounds.
Well his life was down to a mistake by me - a life long guilt trip for me! The vivid picture of his lifeless body will remain with me forever.
But no blame for my dogs - they stay with me - they are family - we deal with things .
In some ways - mega extra life - Finn would have been happy to leave this life at the mouth of one of his beloved hounds. He loved them completely - And not a slow decline to his FIV - he had an extra 8 years with me in my last chance saloon. Cleo, Trei and Tink are availing themselves of the saloon at the mo
I know I am getting into my spiritual stuff here mix christian / bhuda / spiritual - But hey I get support knowing I will meet my recue human and animal strays in next life.
Bottom line I have no one else - no family apart from my dogs
It's been mega mega hard but we all go on. Ther are loads more hounds to be recued - and i know that;s what Finn would want - his beloved hounds
No matter how often or how many people tell you not to reproach yourself --- I know you will, and there is nothing anyone can say that will change that. Only time will lessen it and allow you to accept it.
A number of years ago I, too, had to deal with a similar situation. I had a dog hit on the road by a car. She was dying before my eyes, I could do nothing to help her and it was 100% my fault. A moment of complacency --- that's all it was.
( It was touch and go for a few days but my beautiful dog did survive. I can only put it down to some sort of divine intervention but that's another story.)
Whether we like it or not, we are all human and we all make mistakes and we all have moments of complacency. I hope it helps you, even a tiny bit, Charles, to know you are not alone and there are other people out there who know what you're having to deal with.
With the passage of time I have come to accept my own incident and have learned many valuable things from it, one of them being, I know Finn will not blame you for what happened.
Whether we like it or not, we are all human and we all make mistakes and we all have moments of complacency. I hope it helps you, even a tiny bit, Charles, to know you are not alone and there are other people out there who know what you're having to deal with.
Charles,
I feel the same as Julie, we all make mistakes. What you must remember is what Finn and you did for eachother and that he will still be watching over you while you are at the computer.
And also remember we are all here whether you have a mega relapse or if you just want to talk about Finn antics.
I know that there is absolutely nothing that I can say that will make this any easier for you to bear, believe me if I could I would.
I get a sense that just as you care for the animals that you describe, as being at the 'last chance saloon' you too could do with a bit of care at this time.You sound so alone - almost as if the care you give to them is also the care that you need for yourself too, there I've gone in to my spiritual place too.
Charles I know that the other people reading your tragic story will join me in saying that it could have happened to any one of us. No one can blame you, for, we all make mistakes. I know that Finn will not blame you and will be grateful of the eight years of love and affection that he received from you.I believe that every person, every animal, that crosses our path in this life is there for a reason. I bet if you think about it Finn gave you lessons in his life just as you helped him in his.His life had a purpose to the hounds at GAL and to you Charles, yourself.
My family and I (especially my husband and myself) are still suffering as you are, (after Charlies loss). We feel guilt too - he was very sick and the vet told us that the best thing to do was to put him to sleep. We knew that the vet spoke the truth but we get guilt pangs too. Could we have done more? Would he have still been here now? We even made him lay down for the vet to do the deed.... this is the reoccurring memory I cannot get away from. However poorly, for him to still be here would be better than him not being here. I guess what made it better for me was the idea that - who would I have been keeping him here for ? (alive) him or me? I had to honestly say me. It was his time to pass. I know that what happened to you is totally different (a tragic accident) but someone in touch with their spiritual side as much as you will eventually find a way through it as I am doing with my grief. I think that those of us with the gift of being that aware are also the ones that feel the emotional pain the most!
We found this poem,
We who choose to surround ourselves,
With lives even more
Temporary than our own
live within a fragile circle.
Easily and often breached
Unable to accept its awful gaps
We still would live no other way.
Irving Townsend.
I guess what I am trying to say is it is ok to grieve, to me the loss of an animal is just as bad as the loss of a human life. You will come through it, you won't forget but it will become less that you get the relapses. When you get one go with the emotion, have a good cry. My other half works in an operating theatre and had difficulty on a couple of occasions, the pain welled up while working.
You are in our thoughts Charles - you are not alone.
Charles, I felt so sad to read about how Finn died, and how bad you feel now. I can only repeat what the others have said, that we're only human and we all make mistakes. You have to try to stop thinking of it, and remember all the good you did for Finn. It's obvious you loved him very much and you gave him many happy years he wouldn't have had.
You're obviously a very caring person, and you don't deserve this misery. I really hope you'll come to terms with what happened, and be able to move on with all the good memories you must have of Finn. There are brighter days ahead for you.