As I appear to be in a confessional mood today for some reason, I will post this and then, finally, put this thing to bed.....
My original post, which caused so much of a stir and outrage was intended to be nothing more than a joke.
I had imagined that those people out there who know me would see straight through it and take it as the tongue-in-cheek wind-up that it was intended to be. I was going to admit all the following day but when I saw the empassioned responses that my post had gotten, let's just say that my stubborn streak kicked in.
So without further ado...I wish you and you beloved pets a very merry Christmas filled with lots and lots of lurvely pressies.
Carol - I am guilty to the above - I think we are both stubborn b@ggers given half the chance ....old doorman in me - sorry hon - I dont back down easily, but have found out that minus nicotine, I blub like a baby!! not to mention the paranoia.....you dont hate me do you??? I still love you....
Anyhooo all - Im not religious in the slightest - but hey - only 6 more sleeps!!!!
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They say owners look like their dogs...Im still waiting to morph into a super fit, lean machine with legs up to my armpits...
It's just another example of how sarcasm just does not work when written down. In order to rectify this, I propose that we designate a smiley especially to be read in a sarcastic tone of voice.
How about the sushi smiley, , to signify that there's something fishy going on?
guys...Im gutted...I dont think Santa will be visiting any of our pooches, or us this year after all.
I think the facts speak for themselves....*sniff* Kids - look away now....
Is There a Santa Clause?
1. No known species of reindeer that can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer (which only Santa has ever seen.)
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total-378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept),we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second-a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload-not even counting the weight of the sleigh-to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison-this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
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They say owners look like their dogs...Im still waiting to morph into a super fit, lean machine with legs up to my armpits...
So what happens to Santa when the reindeer brake....? He's got less than 3 milliseconds to leg it before he's wearing an airbag and deceleration from those speeds has got to rearrange your intestines at least a little bit.... AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! You've sucked me into your world Suzanne! HELPPPP!!!
suzanne, you've just talked yourself out of christmas. santa won't be visiting you now !!!
on another note, our dog beds arrived today and i love them. dogs aren't too sure yet tho - dave kept jumping in and out of it at first but has finally settled down in one. he looks soooooo sweet !!!
Have successfully bid on one bed, the things I get up to when I am ill with flu at home! (just a day to wait on the other bed, i hope i get it otherwise there will be a fight!) Can't wait !! Em XX